Tuesday, December 23, 2014

2014 in Shit: I, Frankenstein

Here's a weird thing; including this one, I've reviewed a goofy, apparently-gritty reimagining of a classic story. In 2012 it was Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, which I talked about as a toychest; last year it was Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, which I talked about in terms of its cool moves. This year it's I, Frankenstein, which I'm not really going to talk about much at all.

The thing that probably should have been the throughline, and that would have justified running this for one more year, would have been a review of a Hunger Games movie. I didn't see the first part of Catching Fire this year though (I suppose it could still happen?), even though I said from the first movie that I was most excited to see what they would do with the third book. It wasn't the best book, but it certainly had a lot of things going for it that I would have liked to see translated into film.

It's too bad this year sucked.

I, Frankenstein was a movie about how a hot Frankenstein's Monster wandered the earth until he was drafted into the war of good vs evil, or, more accurately, angels vs gargoyles. He's on the side of the angels.

I feel like there's a genealogy to this movie that exists just outside of my knowledge and taste, and that using it would be the only way I could get a foothold into the movie. I suspect it is something like the Blade films and Blade Runner. Except that I've never seen the former and don't give the remotest shit about the latter. But maybe someone could use that.

The continuity from Lincoln to Gretel to Frankenstein isn't really enough to dig into, at least this far removed from having actually seen it. Aside, I guess, from the use of punctuation in the titles, which is kind of cute I guess.

So yeah. Frankenstein's Monster is a badass who murders gargoyles with ulaks (I think that's what they were). They explode all Angels-from-Evangelion style and shit. I vaguely remember there being some Spiderman type architectural-exteriors-as-floors shit as well? I guess you could say parkour but Spiderman is a better referent. There was probably also a love story that definitely sucked if it existed too. I remember having a pleasant enough time with it.

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